Marie, I'm sorry you are in this situation. I know from personal experience how frightening it is. YOU MUST GET YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS OUT OF THIS SITUATION IMMEDIATELY. You can worry about your home later.

I was married to a very charming abuser for 20 years. THis 'charming' man who was a pillar of the community wrecked the kitchen breaking a ceramic hob in the process, kicked in the front door, kicked the open plan stairs to pieces - all because he was 'upset'. He also did sevral other appaling things.I put up with it for years because of his 'charm' and his difficult childhood. It was only when I had him arrested that he began to realise his behaviour was not acceptable.

Your husband is behaving totally unreasoanbly - he could kill someone if he rages like this. I might be wrong but I bet he's hit you too. Even if he hasn't a 17 year old is a young woman not a kid and doesn't deserve to be 'belted' not matter what she does. No child does.

I'm deliberately posting this on the open forum because men and not only men get away with such behaviour because none of us want to admit that someoe who loves us and who we love would behave like this.

I hate giving advice but I would suggest you take your family and go to a place of safety (friends, family, Women's Aid etc.) - don't confront him to leave yet. I would also go informally to the police because they often have domestic violence units who know how to deal with this and will advise you. Counsellor's are a bit more difficult because your OH has to be the one who WANTS to have counselling. Do what YOU feel is best. As regards criminal convictions it's pretty hard for a guy to be convicted - much harder than it should be.

I realise this might seem extreme but it might just make him think seriously about his behaviour. Sadly once he's done it once he's likely to get worse, especially if you have teenagers who are challenging even in the calmest family.

I realise you probably don't want this advice - and please don't share this with him. It's unpalatable but necessary. After I finally left my husband and believe me that took courage he told me that even when I thought he was out of control he knew exactly what he was doing and chillingly told me that otherwise he'd have killed me! He was 6ft 3in and built like a tank. Sadly I have a constant reminder of his behaviour - a little bruise above my lip which comes up now and again - where he punched me in the face, in front of my young neice and nephew, and I needed stitches.

My ex is a social worker, much beloved by his clients and old ladies and children but the reality for anyone who lives with him is very different. I have no idea where he is now and frankly don't care. We never had children (how could we)

I unwittingly know a lot about domestic violence and have written and had published many articles about it. I was also at that time a trainer in assertiveness. We had no money worries and we didn't drink I wish I hadn't had the experience but it has made me stronger.

If you can get a book called 'Charming Men who make dangerous lovers' by Erin Pizzey (sp) of Chiswick Women's Aid - it's a relevation.

Please, please don't listen to the bleeding heart liberals just get out of there. Please don't blame yourself or make excuses for him. Such behaviour, no matter the circumstances is not acceptable. Don't be embarrased about it either - all sorts of people from different backrgounds and circumstances find themselves in this situation through no fault of their own.

To end on a positive note ten years on I'm very happy and have rebuilt my life. It wasn't easy but oh the joy of coming home to peace and quiet and never having that gut crunching fear or the overnight bag constanly to hand for quick escapes.

Good luck, be brave and my very best wishes.

Pat aka Poppyc