Hi

You've done exactly the right thing in listening to your daughter and taking on board her concerns. It does sound as if your H has anger management issues that need to be addressed but I wonder if there are any other aspects of abuse in his relationships with other people he cares about. Does he feel the need to be in control? always have the final? Dictate on friendships etc?
There is a really good organisation called Respect who can put him in touch with local services in your area who work to address these control/abusive attitudes.
http://www.respect.uk.net/

with regards to calling the Police, if the Police were to attend (and it might be a neighbour/your daughter who calls them), they would certainly take into consideration your wishes, but I'm afraid they are duty bound to protect the vulnerable. If children are involved they would almost certainly have to let the Local Authority Childrens Services know about the incident(they should tell you they are doing this). Children's Services would then make an assessment based on the information they have. You may or may not be contacted/hear any more on the matter - depending on the seriousness and local standards.

Another organisation that might be able to help is your local Family Mediation service. Or some areas have a mediation service for teens & parents. Relate might also help and some areas have a service for teenagers, run by Relate.

The important thing is that your H is responsible for his actions and blaming D is shifting the blame. It is unacceptable to chase people into other rooms and to hit people. There are other ways of dealing with the rage that boils inside us when we are upset by something, its just finding the organisation that can help the best.

pm me if you'd like to.