Just a thought, could you get him to see his GP, maybe about something else, and then mention the anger problem. I dont suspose it will be easy but getting him on an anger management course would be helpful. I know a young man who was sent on one and it has made a huge difference to him.

Is there something happening in his life that has caused an escalation of the violence?

I'm quite worried reading your post (having been with a violent partner many years ago) that one day he will go too far and really hurt you or your family. When my ex was in a rage he did not know what he was doing and was a totally different person. There was no way I could talk to him or even make him take notice of what he was doing and several times he really hurt me (bruises, marks on neck, bad scald to arm, pulling hair out etc). We also had several doors with holes in where he had kicked them or thrown things at them. Fortunately he never took it out on the kids, Im not judging you as I know how hard it is to be in that situation, but if he had ever 'belted' the kids the police would have been called and he would never have come back to the house. Your daughter sounds as if she has finally had enough of his violence and you risk losing her altogether if something isnt done about it. If she is drinking as a result of this than she needs urgent help to cope with it as well. Eventually your other children are likely to rebel as well, they may even decide to fight violence with violence and that would be dreadful for all concerned.

Please. please dont think I am getting at you, his violence is NOT your fault, although no doubt he blames you for 'winding him up' and causing the anger. You need to stop this behaviour now before anyone else is hurt. Your daughter has told you how much she needs your help and I think it is time that you considered your childrens safety even if it does mean calling the police. Your husband wont get a criminal record just because you call the police when he is in one of his rages, they will attend, then return another day and take statements but it is still up to you whether you take the matter any further. If you dont nothing more will happen, but it just might make your husband realise that this cant continue. Violent men reply on the fact that we love and forgive them and the fact that he is usually a lovely person does not mean that he had the right to hurt you and your family.

I know what I am suggesting seems impossible to you, trying to keep an angry and violent man happy so that these rages do not happen takes up most of your energy and when he does fly into a rage you take the blame for it. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. I also know that it take all your confidence and makes you feel that you are worthless, no one else will ever want you, and that life is so hard there is nothing you can do to change things, Trust me, having been there and moved on I know there are lots of things you can do, you just need to be brave and take the first step.

You have taken that first step in posting on this forum, let us support you and help you. If you want to pm me do so.

I beg you dont let this continue, you need to get out before he ruins your childrens lives, you and they deserve better. I dont care how nice he is inbetween he knows what he is doing and he knows it is wrong, he just doesnt care enough to get help to stop it.

Well done for asking for help. Take care