Hi,
I notice that you have only registered today , so welcome. Oh dear, I am not sure what to advise or even where to start, but I do have personal knowledge of grief and it can take a long time to get over the death of a parent. I wouldn't rush into anything hasty here, I wonder if your husband realises the pain of the bereavement...perhaps a visit to your GP might help it sounds as if you are depressed and everything seems too black and bad to deal with.