Hi Kim,I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through...I was with my dad when he passed away from lung cancer 5years ago...he passed suddenly while was visiting him & my mum in England,he had only been diagnosed 10weeks before,because he died so suddenly the rest of my family except for my mum & another brother didnt get there on time...I miss my dad terribly at times but I will forever be thankful that I got to spend his last days with him...grief
manifests itself in many ways...dont push it aside as I did as it catches up with you in the end...look after yourself Kim,things do get better & life goes on and in time you will be able to smile again...

Cathy X