New Nudist
Colony

A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he
took off his clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde walked by, and the man immediately got an
erection.

The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, did you call for me?'

The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'.
She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here
that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me.'

Smiling, she lead him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down
on a towel eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.

Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities.
He entered the sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered out of the steam room toward him.

'Did you call for me?' asked the hairy man.

'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
'You must be new..' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you
fart, it implies that you called for me.'
The huge man easily spun him around, put him over a bench and had
his way with the newcomer.

The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was
greeted by a smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help
you?' she asked.

'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee.'

'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours.
You haven't had a chance to see all our facilities.'
'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a
month, but I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here.'

CUCKOO...

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married.... If
this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls. I told my
husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a
quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12
cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my
husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo
clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed
three times, then said 'oh [****].' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its
throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more,
and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.