nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 269
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for the past few years I have had a run of bad luck, or so I thought: bad health suddenly arriving out of the blue to be designated disabled; death of my mother; a family feud not of my making; discovering who my real friends are; looking at my marriage my family and thinking why is a nice person like me stuck with them: bereavement on several counts.
To wake up in the morning thinking oh god here I am again
wandering around the house in pjs, to be cross examined by those who love me "what have you done with your day" myself feeling outraged as prior to this for 30 years I had two jobs, energy, like a little hamster on a wheel that never stopped until I ended up in A & E! outraged how dare they!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but of course the above is myself suddenly getting off that wheel and my past catching up, time to think, time to grieve, time to take stock.
Now I get up at 9 am, and have discovered I am the poor womans version of Nigella Lawson, avidly baking cakes
which is wierd a cake maker I was not! my daughter said to me the otherday, Gran is channelling through you mum
and I think she is, I am learning to like being alone (in spirit) and am stronger mentally ..... I dont know where we will be living in 2009 but then who in reality does
Yes I am getting better, those black thoughts are few and far between
The reason for my post is you may have a friend, relative who has had a bad few years like me......... go easy on them they are just trying to figure things out xx 
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Tigerfeet
member
Reged: 29/10/2008
Posts: 1289
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Thank you for sharing this. I'm pleased things are getting better for you. Love Ali xx
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PatsyW
member
Reged: 28/12/2007
Posts: 1618
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Afternoon Nowcemsi. I'm glad you're feeling more positive; dealing with things now that you are ready.
Your last comment is so true, sometime people need a little time and space (and TLC) to get where they need to be.
Here's to peace of mind.x
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jessica
member
Reged: 01/02/2007
Posts: 577
Loc: North Wiltshire
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Even as I type my daughter is now 20mins away after a 5 hour journey. Shes coming home for some TLC after being signed off with an anxiety disorder and depression. This has been waitng in the wings to happen for some 3 years sooo will just support her any way we can, and not, like my sister and be judgmental. Just pray we can get her back on her feet soon but not too soon.
Good Luck, nowcemsi, you are doing really well and makeing little strides these will turn into bigger ones so keep going and push on through the dark times, most of all be kind to yourself.
My OH fell off his perch some 4 years ago so for me these are very familiar step
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Thimble
member
Reged: 04/12/2008
Posts: 949
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I can actually feel with you. You sound just like I do some days but like you I also have found a way through it all. The hardest thing I found was that when you really needed friends, finding out that those you thought were real good friends were so shallow. My views now are that I am betting off without those people. The ones that stick by you and support you are the ones that give "friendship" the true meaning. BUT it is a very hard and painful lesson to have to learn.
Glad to hear you are finding your way through.
Jessica - your daughter obviously needs a lot of support and TLC which it sounds like you have in abundance. Give her my best and I hope she comes through it soon.
Read my posting "Son's accident..." to see that we also had to support our child at a bad time.
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... with love from me to you
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nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 269
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For years I denied depression thinking people where weak
(instant karmah for me then huh)??
I was raised by parents who lived on valium you see; but I and I am not saying "I" as in "was better, stronger, more superior" but I was the one who was pushed out into the world to do things my parents could not: sucessful in my chosen field of work (selling pretty much) doing things on my own, surviving a divorce at a young age, buying a home on my own, raisin my daughter alone and watching my parents still living out of that bottle (little bottle)
so I suffered and still am without a prop..(meds) I can do this but I acknowledge many cannot, and to those who cannot I say much love and respect to youxx
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MOTHEROFPEARL
member
Reged: 17/02/2008
Posts: 350
Loc: gravesend kent
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wow nowcemsi your stronger than you think , i to also thought that depression was a weak thing, but after suffering depression and still am in a way ( not half as bad as i was )i have come to the conclusion that the strong people have to take stock every now and again, reflect ,take stock and grieve ,but we will bounce back and watch out when we do lol x
keep your chin up and smile ,and well done to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Teresa x x
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suejane
member
Reged: 04/10/2008
Posts: 112
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Depression began for me in late teenage years. I was awful to my parents. The trouble is, you dont know you are suffering with anactual medical condition unless it is properly diagnosed. I was put on some awful pills, many years ago, which made me feel awhole lot worse. Coming through it is like a long dark tunnel with a light at the end, someone said, keep watching the light and you can recover.I hope your daughter will be ok, my youngest daughter suffered from it also so maybe there is a link between depressed motherand daughter also suffering? Best wishes, you are doing well! xx
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stellac
member
Reged: 14/05/2008
Posts: 906
Loc: mauritius
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to everyone who suffers or has suffered from deppresion i would say one step at a time.
Deppresion is a illness that is debilatating and needs respect from others just the same as any other illness. To walk beside a sufferer without judging and giving love and encoragement is to give a great service to the sufferer.
Stellax
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Goingbackwards
member
Reged: 22/08/2008
Posts: 778
Loc: Isle of Wight
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stellac what wise words and understanding.
xx
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Secret
member
Reged: 02/10/2008
Posts: 1025
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I have read all of the above (a couple of times) with great interest. As many will know, as I have openly posted on it, I suffer with Recurrent Depressive Disorder, and have done for most of my life. I can be fine 1 day, hour, and then it hits me out of the blue, which can last for months or just a day, and have absolutely no control over it, and have been on many different medications, and still am. I feel like a 'junkie' when I have my prescription filled every month, the bag is full of of pills and I feel people looking at the size of my bag and feel embarrassed, even though I know they don't know the contents of the bag!!
I used to think I was weak, but I know I am not, I am very strong, and if I wasn't I am sure I would be in some sort of institution! Many who first know me are surprised when they know I suffer with this disorder, I hide it well most times, sometimes I can't and just shut down completely.
Unfortunately, and I will never understand why, there is a stigma attatched to depression, which is one of the reasons I will talk openly about mine, and when you do you find many others are hiding their depression as well, ashamed to talk about it.
We must talk about it, but not dwell on it, to try and rid this stigma, and to try and enlighten those who have no understanding of this silent illness.
I could say so much more on the subject but don't want to ramble on, and the reason I am responding to this topic is because I feel so strongly about making people understand, and have thought for many hours as to whether I should post this or not, simply because I want to be known as Secret and not 'depression'.
So all of you out there I just want you to know I understand everything you go through, and please talk about it more, it is so important to do this, so we can help rid of this terrible stigma attatched to depression, as we are more than just someone with a 'mental illness'
Best wishes to all you sufferers from someone who knows!!
xx
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' I mean what I say, and say what I mean '
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redpoppy
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 402
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Thank you Secret. It is so important to value, honour and accept all of our feelings, to help towards understanding and recovery for ourselves and others.Stigma can only increase a person's suffering. Thank you all you brave people for being open and honest, bless you x
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Sweet_Pea
member
Reged: 25/08/2008
Posts: 1629
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I've also suffered from depression in the past and realise that it is something that I will always have to live with. Mine started with Post Natal Depression and has recurred 3 times since then all at very stressful times in my life. I'm fine at the moment and have got better at recognising the symptoms and triggers. I have responded to posts on the subject before but only ever by PM as have also been keen to avoid being labelled.
How could I not be open and honest about this subject when all of you are prepared to talk about your experiences? You are all absolutely right. Depression is not a weakness, not something to be ashamed of and very much misunderstood.
My depression has helped make me the person I am today, has given and continues to give me an insight in to a different world. Helps me to enjoy the good days and hopefully allows me to show others that I do understand and do care when they are having a bad day.
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redpoppy
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 402
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Hear hear Sweet Pea. As Jung maintains, by embracing the shadow side of ourselves we become whole.
Or the one I love is- If life is a roller coaster, I'm sitting at the front!...helps me grit my teeth and get through the bad times! x
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Secret
member
Reged: 02/10/2008
Posts: 1025
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Hi Sweepea and Redpoppy,
I think it is absolutely fantastic that you have posted openly prompted by our postings, and if it only prompts just you then I am still pleased as you will now be able to talk about it openly when you are going through bouts of depression.
Remember girls, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and can only help by letting your feelings out on here. Those in the know will understand, and those who don't will only learn about it from out postings and hopefully come to an understanding of it.
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' I mean what I say, and say what I mean '
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jessica
member
Reged: 01/02/2007
Posts: 577
Loc: North Wiltshire
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I love the out-take from Crocodile Dundee when he is in New York and goes to a party. Dundee is told that some one is seeing a psychiatrist as she has lots of problems, Dundee asks hasnt she got any mates? Back home we just tell ozzy he tells every one else then there not a problem.
Oh how true that all is. Maybe thats why the forum is so successful because none of us are an island.
I have a friend in Australia who is a very successful business man and achieved such a lot but is literatly crippled (I deliberatly used that word) with depression and spends days in bed and his wife and son have to take over the business. I am, however very blessed as I only suffer from SAD and a couple of good cartoon films can shake me out of it. For those who live with the black cloud let hope that a cure is found soon
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OzzieKez
member
Reged: 21/06/2008
Posts: 2615
Loc: Queensland, Australia
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This is such a great thread. I have been pushed to the limit lately and coping very well. This afternoon I have noticed the signs of my inevitable slide once again into depression! I have lived with this for years....it prompted me to study psych. I know I'm headed for a "black dog" time and know now, to not try to do anything taxing etc. I shall just : 'Go placidly amidst the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.'
This is my coping strategy in times like this. After all that has happened in the last little while, the trigger seems to be the loss of one of my bags which had our camera in it....I know, it's not the end of the world. I also know not to struggle, just go with the flow 'til it passes!
To all that suffer like this - I agree, be honest and open. It's not sympathy we seek, just understanding.
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Secret
member
Reged: 02/10/2008
Posts: 1025
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Hi Ozzie,
I'm not surprised you are once again sliding into depression because of recent events. Personally I think you are holding up very well, but as you know you may have to let go for a while and let the inevitable take place (although you have no choice in the matter)....it's gonna happen no matter what.
Just remember those of us who understand are always here for you, so don't feel alone me old mate.
By the way, it's your turn to phone next time 
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' I mean what I say, and say what I mean '
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Happywanderer
member
Reged: 24/10/2007
Posts: 290
Loc: UK
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I just wanted to say a special thankyou to all of you amazing forum members for posting on this thread.
I have never had depression but I have a friend who has been through a similar time as you Sweet Pea. It started with post natal depression and then she has had a couple of episodes since. Recently, following her separation from her husband, she has been diagnosed with depression again. She also has a family history.
For those of us who have never been there, its wonderful you ladies can give us some insight into this very common condition.
I feel completely helpless for my friend, its not helped by the face that she is in Oz & I'm here in the UK. I have let her know I am there for her anytime but she is a very private person & hates to burden others with her problems. At least she knows she has a friend in me no matter what & I take comfort in that maybe that helps her in some small way.
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redpoppy
member
Reged: 21/01/2008
Posts: 402
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I don't suffer from depression so wouldn't be a good one to ask for advice..I just think we should all be aware that any of us can suffer with it, and it was a plea for acceptance and tolerance.
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