lindamary
member
Reged: 18/10/2008
Posts: 3
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First time on forum, but hope you can offer some advice with my dilemma. Our son lost his job recently, but as we are financially comfortable we offered to pay his mortgage etc. until he is back on his feet. We then found out that our d-i-l had a loan from before they were married that he was paying off as she is now pregnant. We offered to pay this off which he was very grateful for, but no word of thanks from d-i-l. We don't want to upset our relationship with her which is generally good, nor make our son feel defensive at a critical time where job interviews are concerned. Should we just forget it? 
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gyp
member
Reged: 15/04/2008
Posts: 596
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Hi Lindamary
Welcome to the forum, hope you enjoy it.
As for your problem, maybe your DIL doesn't know you've given him the money to pay it off. Just a guess. Or maybe she's embarrassed about it. I'd ask your son if he knows how she feels about the loan being paid off by you and see what he says. As she's pregnant, proceed with caution - hormones and all that - she might be a bit defensive.
gyp
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Aprile
member
Reged: 28/07/2008
Posts: 475
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Hi and welcome Lindamary
Just a thought but perhaps your DIL is feeling vulnerable being pregnant and OH out of work, and feels that they should be able to cope and not rely on parents. Not that she should feel that way but as gyp says hormones are a funny thing. Give her time and I'm sure she'll come to appreciate what great PIL (?) you are.
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BeauSoleil
member
Reged: 26/03/2008
Posts: 1867
Loc: France
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I would suspect that in the same position I'd be really embarassed-perhaps she's waiting for the right opportunity??
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BeauSoleil
member
Reged: 26/03/2008
Posts: 1867
Loc: France
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Or maybe as someone else has suggested, he hasn't told her?
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stellac
member
Reged: 14/05/2008
Posts: 906
Loc: mauritius
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i would just say nothing they are going through a tough time
stellax
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lindamary
member
Reged: 18/10/2008
Posts: 3
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Thanks for the advice - my gut instinct is that she feels awkward about the situation - but it really helps to have had others say the same. Love this forum 
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3277
Loc: Surrey
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I know of someone who did not know her in-laws had loaned money to her husband. Believe me, she needs to know, no matter what the circumstances. If the in-laws are bailing her out too she knows where she stands with them. In my experience resentments about money can go on for years.
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Sonata
member
Reged: 21/12/2006
Posts: 364
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If it is not a substantial amount I wouldn't mention it to her at this time but make sure your son tells her what you've done.
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 1445
Loc: Somerset
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I wouldn't make too big a thing of it. If your son has said thank you it's on behalf of both of them. It could be that she knows, is very embarrassed and doesn't want to embarrass you by mentioning it. I'd assume that if one half of a couple says thanks then that goes for both of them.
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