hattie18
member
Reged: 04/06/2008
Posts: 13
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Can any advise me? My lovely mum is with me for a week and is dropping sort of hints about feeling insecure living on her own!! My dad died 2 years ago, she is now 89 and almost blind. She copes very well but is very lonely but also fiercly independent. She adores my OH as he makes her laugh a lot t doesnt really spend a lot of time with her. Her health is prettty good considering how little she eats when on her own. The trouble is she lives near my sister which is over 200 miles from me. I go and stay with her once a month and bring her to stay with me at least 3 times a year - but I work full time so its not easy. I feel so guilty all the time and love her to bits but couldnt have her to live with me. I feel so bad and guilty that my sister does so much more than me. Sorry realised what a rant this is but would welcome any advice or how anyone else has coped in similar.
Thanks for listening - if anyone is still up!!!!!
Hattie
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duncs
member
Reged: 29/08/2007
Posts: 298
Loc: Kent
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Hi Hattie,
I don't have experience of this. I'm an only child and Mum at 92 manages on her own.
I think you are doing all you can, given the distance. You are in regular contact with her and she obviously enjoys the time she is with you. That is quite different to being with you all the time.
I am sure others have been in a similar situation and can offer suggestions.
x
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whitleybay
member
Reged: 09/08/2008
Posts: 659
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Hi hattie18, Is your mum in sheltered accomm? If not could that be the answer?
I think we all get to the point where we start to feel guilty if we are so far away. I ring my mum and try to have a long chat, sometimes I do hear the same stories at least twice in the same call!
Stop feeling guilty and talk to your sister, she would probably be horrified to know you felt guilty.
Take care
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Fuschia
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 1213
Loc: US
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Hi Hattie - you sound like a lovely caring daughter. I think many mothers would love to have someone that cares as much about them. To stay with her once a month and have her stay with you at least three times a year while you're working full time is a lot. I know you'd like to do more but it sounds like you're doing everything you can. You can't help living so far from her, or that your sister is closer and does more. I'm sorry I can't offer practical advice as to her living arrangements but I think you're doing a great job and shouldn't feel guilty. And you shouldn't feel like you're failing her because you can't have her come and live with you. x
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3277
Loc: Surrey
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Hi Hattie. My 87-year old father lives with my oldest sister. He is fit and well and he comes to stay with me quite a lot, but the brunt of his care comes from my older sister. I think it is important that I acknowledge the amount that my sister does for him and I often say so and make sure my other two sisters are aware too. So I would say, make sure your sister knows how you feel, if she doesn't already. You sound like a very caring person. x
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Goldenglow
member
Reged: 03/08/2008
Posts: 83
Loc: Essex
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Hello Hattie
First of all you have nothing whatsoever to feel guilty about so get rid of that. You are doing so much already and I am sure your mum appreciates it. Maybe if you actually said to her much as you would like her to live with you it would not be possible because of your other commitments. There are other things you could explore such as a Day Centre where she could meet other people (usually they are able to provide transport), Women's Institute, Age Concern, etc. You could ask in her GP surgery if they know of any suitable social groups. She is lucky to have you as a daughter.
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Goldenglow
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hattie18
member
Reged: 04/06/2008
Posts: 13
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Thanks for all your messages and very kind words - I wish i was half as nice as the impression I seem to have given. I am very lucky to have my mum and a very supportive sister. If only my mum had her sight or our big sis was still alive things would be so different. But its no good dwelling on 'if onlys'. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.
Hattie
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