Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 4061
Loc: Southeast
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Just come back from Cornwall, with son and his wife and new baby AND DIL's parents. Felt like a third party, felt I had to ask to touch the baby, where as SHE (mother of DIL) had carte blanche to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted. Felt SO jealous! Have just had big op plus full hysterectomy so was getting hot flushes and couldnt stop crying at times. Mother of DIL and DIL did try to be considerate, but I felt SO left out and like I had to ask permission to touch grandson, where as she just jumped straight in, and was right there all the time! I can't stop feeling such resentment towards the Outlaws, that they will see my grandson so much more. I tried very carefully to ask my son to consider us when dishing out the babysitting etc, but new it was a touchy subject. I felt SO positive about all this last week when speaking of my DIL but after this week I am with all you mothers of Sons, feeling dreadfully deprived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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debenjane
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Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 592
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I hope you feel beter after a good cry. Tears can be very healing. This same situation happened to a friend of mine and in the end she wrote a very friendly letter saying how much she loved seeing the baby but you can never have enough hugs etc. She also spoke to her son seperately about it and whilst things are not fantastic she does at least get to see her GS more and is able to hold and hug him.
Hope things work out better very soon.
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Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 4061
Loc: Southeast
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Thankyou for your kind words Debenjane, it is tough that's for sure. I am trying so hard to keep calm about it all, and trying to get thru the jealousy.
The week after next I am having my Grandson for the night, and my OH and I have said we just have to make the most of the times we get him! I think we will have him awake all night, cooing and kissing!
It is tough being the Mother of the son tho, and I thought I could cope with it all! Shows you what I know!!!!!!!
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xxxSummerxxx
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Reged: 29/03/2008
Posts: 5758
Loc: Billericay,Essex
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My heart goes out to you Snowy. TRy not to be so hard on yourself,you have just had a operation and are bound to feel low.
Take care of you x
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Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 4061
Loc: Southeast
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I'm trying Summer, I truly am, but those hormones keep getting in the way. I suppose I envy the relationship a mother and daughter has, I don't blame them, I had the same sort of relationship with my Mum, when the children were small. WHY OH WHY didn't we try for a third child it might have been a girl, can you get vasectomies reversed at 60???? OUCH !
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blossom97
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 2419
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I am so sorry you feel the way you do.Do you think things may have been better if you weren't all in such close proximity (ie on holiday together)?When you have the beby all to your self (or even just with son and dil) things may be very differentAlso as the baby gets older things change.
When I talk to my daughter about her grandparents, she prefers one grandad to the other (I obviously NEVER ask her outright, it is just from things she says!)I think it is because she does interesting things with him, he is very reliable and never lets her down, he never teases her unkindly,he praises her, turns up to watch all her drama productions.He never offers her advice, but he listens to her.Above all she is very proud of him being her grandad, he dresses well and keeps himself fit and active...we all love him to bits, not just her.
So i suppose my advice from a mum point of view would be, hold on in there, things change over time....you never know the doting mother might turn out to be right interfering pain in the butt eventually...and they would be grateful for your support ( fingers crossed eh?!!)
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Jewels
member
Reged: 23/01/2008
Posts: 1358
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Poor you, Snowy, Don't worry you WILL get the chance to be Grandma and once the baby is a toddler he will go to the 'loving' grandma not the possessive one. Hope you feel better soon after your op.
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TFG
member
Reged: 10/10/2007
Posts: 1104
Loc: Milton Keynes
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Snowny
I'm a hoping it's just your hormones that are making you feel like this.
If your son and DIL are letting your GS come for a sleepover- that is your DIL TRUSTING YOU with her son and seeing it as perfectly NORMAL for your GS to spend time with you.
When my daughter was small I was perfectly happy for her to go and stay with my H parents they had brought up 5 kids of their own and they were all fine and I thought my daughter would be too. One of my MIL own daughter's who had a daughter a year older than mine hadn't let her own mother have her baby overnight so my daughter was say 4 months old and her cousin was 16 months and hadn't been for a sleepover.
So hang on in there I'm sure it will be fine. You and your H are trusted grandparents
Sx
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Jane_2009
member
Reged: 08/01/2008
Posts: 2796
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Hi Snowy, perhaps your hormones are playing a part in this, but even so, a new baby on the horizon is a very emotional experience for ALL concerned, including the grandparents, so I'm sure your feelings are perfectly normal.
Hopefully you'll get some time on your own (without the outlaws around) with your new grandchild soon. It's early days yet, and you never know your DIL might decide her mother is a too overbearing and a pain in the a**e!!! 
One way or another I am sure things will change, so don't worry too much!
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Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 4061
Loc: Southeast
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Thankyou everyone for your kind advice. I think Jane you might be right, in that my hormones or lack of are playing a part in this. I have been trying to get back on some HRT, but Dr is being stubborn. It's a long story! So am going to contact my Consultant today to see what can be done.
I know my DIL is fantastic compared to some DIL's and please don't get me wrong I do love and respect her. And as you all say she is letting me have my GS overnight in a few weeks, it's just the worry that the other Grannie will see him SO much, that I will always be the one he barely knows!! Oh perhaps I am being too dramatic here. My husband says I have to put up with it, that daughters are closer to their mothers etc, and that hopefully as the GS gets older he will prefer to come to us as we have the experience of having boys and what they like to do. Where as the other Grannie has had only girls, and just prefers to SHOP!
Perhaps if I get my hormones sorted I won't feel quite so screwed up inside, and so tearful. There are far worse things going on in the world, I should be grateful that my DIL is as close as she is with us. You have all been a great help, thanks so much. Snowy xxx
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Chickadee
member
Reged: 28/03/2008
Posts: 3761
Loc: South Wales
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Hope you're feeling better today Snowy. You must be very excited about having your GS to yourselves in a couple of weeks - your DIL must really trust you - I wouldn't let my babies out of my sight when they were that age!
My OH only sees his GD every couple of months, but now she is 18 months she really remembers him and loves him because he's so sweet with her - it's the quality of the relationship that matters most, so enjoy your GS and have fun with him!
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 1450
Loc: Somerset
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Hopefully your grandson will grow up feeling as I did - the grandmother who we saw most, always be involved and have her say on everything became the one we visited out of duty, the one who wasn't so full on and we didn't see quite so often was the one we visited out of love.
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3277
Loc: Surrey
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Hi Snowy. I really feel for you. My take on this is that you are feeling low after your op. It is natural that a girl is close to her mother and that is the way it should be. You are closer to your son than his mil could ever be. Look at all the positives. You have all been on holiday together. Everyone was concerned for your welfare. You have a lovely grandson who is obviously well-loved by all of you. You only "felt" like you had to ask permission to touch him. The fact that you cried and cried makes me think you are depressed and need some tlc yourself. x x x
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Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 4061
Loc: Southeast
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Thankyou to everyone who replied. Issi you will be pleased to hear that I rang my Consultant and he is going to write to my GP to hopefully tell her that I CAN go on some HRT. I had a big op, to remove a Giant Ovarian Cyst which was 30cm and borderline, plus Hysterectomy/Omentectomy. My GP wanted me to have my first Consultant checkup before she prescribed, even tho I told her the Consultant had already told me to get to the GP and get on HRT! So hopefully once she gets the Consultants letter she will prescribe some and it will help my emotions which ARE a bit haywire at the mo, not to mention the tremendous Hot Flushes. I have taken on board everything everyone has said, and will hopefully begin to deal with it a bit better. You are right that if she didn't trust me and like me, she would not leave him with me for the night, so I must thank my lucky stars that she likes me enough to do that. Thankyou again. Viv xxx
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emptynest
member
Reged: 10/11/2007
Posts: 505
Loc: South Wales
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My heart went out to you Snowy when I read your post. It strikes a chord with me because I have 2 sons and I do wonder what will happen when they marry.
It is always a difficult situation and it was most probably highlighted more by you all being together on holiday. However, I think you are very emotional at the moment and you will soon feel loads better once you are able to go on HRT again. I agree with everyone else that you are obviously trusted and respected to have your grandson overnight. You are going to get some really special times with your grandson.
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Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 4061
Loc: Southeast
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Thankyou Emptynest, good luck with your two sons! I wish I could change the title of this post though, it does sound a bit dramatic, when I read it now!
I spoke to my husband tonite about all your posts, and he agreed you had all posted some wise words, and it definitely gave me a new slant on the situation. I'm feeling a whole lot better and more positive.
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TFG
member
Reged: 10/10/2007
Posts: 1104
Loc: Milton Keynes
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So glad you a feeling more postitive tonight Snowy that's the good thing about this forum it can lift you up when you are down with support from everyone.
I hope you can get the HRT and start feeling better o a physical level once that happens I'm sure you will better about the whole GS thing
Good Luck
Sx
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gigi
member
Reged: 12/04/2008
Posts: 1985
Loc: Hampshire
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Snowy, you have had so much happening at once, I am not surprised you feel low. I'm sure it will pass. You are a new grandmother, there were lots of people all cooing at the baby trying to get a look in at the same time, and you have had major surgery. Yes I am sure that your hormones are all over the place, that will settle down too. Mostly though, I expect there is some grieving going on too. It doesn't matter how far beyond adding to your family you may have been, you have had a hysterectomy, and there is a brand new baby before you. All of the mixed up feelings are normal, and understandable. In a few months this will all be a memory and you will get on with being the best grandmother, no hang ups. Love to you and congratulations to everyone. xx G
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PLASMO
member
Reged: 13/03/2008
Posts: 4786
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Hi Snowy,
Im sure things will calm down, and the sharing of baby snowy will be sorted out in a satisfactory way.
I am not a grandmother (would love to be) but when families are scattered all over the country I suppose it is only natural for the grandparents nearer get to see more of the baby.
You have also had major surgery, I had the same op fifteen years ago, and for a long time afterwards your hormones just need to settle. I think a talk would be more advantageous with your consultant prior to taking HRT, there is an awful lot to digest and understand, HRT is not always the best solution.
I do hope things improve Snowy, and that you will enjoy being a loving, caring, grandmother.
Plasmo xx
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Snowy1066
member
Reged: 08/07/2008
Posts: 4061
Loc: Southeast
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Thankyou Plasmo, appreciate your concern. I've never had so many people worrying about me all at once! How luvly.
I was on HRT before the big op, but that was when I had ovaries. But it suited me well and had been on it for quite a long time without any probs. I definitely think I need something tho. Sorry to hear you had a similar op, did you have a big Ovarian cyst too? Mine was misdiagnosed for over 2 yrs, being treated for IBS!!
Thankyou again for your help.
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