anndotty
member
Reged: 11/06/2008
Posts: 53
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I love my OH very much but after an accident at work left him 50% disabled he has not worked since, I wouldnt mind but for the fact that he can still just about do anything he sets his mind to, he has 2 allotments that he manages virtually single handed, can drive, and whilst on holiday jumped off 40ft cliffs into the sea,yet, the mere mention of going to work and suddenly his disability rears its ugly head again,I am sure he is using it as an exscuse not to get a job, I have to work full time to pay the mortgage and other household expenses and sometimes it really gets me down, my daughter says I am mad to put up with it and should kick him into touch, what do you think ?
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xxxSummerxxx
member
Reged: 29/03/2008
Posts: 5758
Loc: Billericay,Essex
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I have no first hand experience of this Dotty but i would imagine your Husband is Depressed and has got into a bit of a rut.
I can certainly understand your frustration at the pressure of paying for the Mortgage and bills alone.
I wonder if your Husband could go for some councilling,perhaps your first port of call could be the doctor :-)
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wildroe
member
Reged: 18/08/2006
Posts: 21
Loc: Nottingham
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There are organisations that will help him back into work if he is on incapacity benefit.As the accident happened at work maybe he is terrified of working again in case he has another one. Would advise going to the doctor (with him if possible)to start with. The job centre will be able to give advice on courses for those wanting to return to work.
Has he considered a small buisness he could run from home? Meanwhile if he is physically capable household tasks will keep him busy while you are at work.
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 1450
Loc: Somerset
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Is he scared about how he'd cope at work?
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nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 273
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Quote:
I love my OH very much but after an accident at work left him 50% disabled he has not worked since, I wouldnt mind but for the fact that he can still just about do anything he sets his mind to, he has 2 allotments that he manages virtually single handed, can drive, and whilst on holiday jumped off 40ft cliffs into the sea,yet, the mere mention of going to work and suddenly his disability rears its ugly head again,I am sure he is using it as an exscuse not to get a job, I have to work full time to pay the mortgage and other household expenses and sometimes it really gets me down, my daughter says I am mad to put up with it and should kick him into touch, what do you think ?
From my own experience (I am now disabled) I would say he is not workshy he needs a life coach or someone to slowly help him get his power back to return to work.........?
I am in the same situation afraid of returning, afraid of having to explain my disability, afraid of letting the team down afraid of sympathy
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ChrissiFi
member
Reged: 28/06/2006
Posts: 1450
Loc: Somerset
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Nowcemsi, I can understand how you feel. Since I was 18 I've suffered from osteoarthritis and a disk problem. When it's good I've just got a numb patch in one leg, when it's bad it's unbearable (the only painkillers that helped are now banned). When I had to change jobs (due to old company relocating) I was terrified of how I'd cope. My employers at the time were used to walking into the office and finding me lying on the floor stretching and having frequent medical appointments when things were bad.
As it happened I didn't have a really bad spell for 3 years and it was only when I was off work for three weeks that I had to admit to having a long-standing problem (I'd hidden it up to then and just claimed excessive gardening when things were painful). I try to avoid telling people that I've got a problem as I don't want sympathy or to be treated differently to everyone else and most of the time know one would know there was anything wrong but there are times when I do have to explain and I do find it embarrassing to admit that I have limitations.
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Chelsea
member
Reged: 06/02/2008
Posts: 943
Loc: Essex
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Anndotty, a similar thing happened to my uncle when he was in his 50's - he got hit by a car in the course of his duties and although his injuries healed, he struggled every day for a few years to go back to work and then he was retired on med grounds. He had no physical symptoms but depression was crippling him - all caused by the accident. So Summer could be on to something. Worth getting it checked out - he should be prepared to make some move towards getting it sorted as it is very unfair to let you take the financial burden without trying all avenues.
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Chelsea x
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3277
Loc: Surrey
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A man I know had his own business which all fell apart when he was attacked by muggers. Once he had recovered from his injuries he could not face going back to work and his wife worked to support him and their two little girls. Eventually his wife booked a market stall for him and forced him out once a week to sell up his stock on the stall. He said that is what saved him and eventually he was able to go back to full time work (although not in his own business again). It was fear which held him back all that time.
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