independent
member
Reged: 14/10/2007
Posts: 167
|
|
I have often wondered whether children of broken relationships appreciate the sacrfices and work involved in being the parent who stays with them. I ask because I am a mother of two, since leaving my ex OH sees them twice a week which usually involves preparing a meal and occasionaly taking them swimming etc it doesn't involve the day to day worries and responsibilites,taxi runs, school functions etc, the childen have a good relationship with their father and myself but in the long term will they value the input as being equal? has anyone been in this situation and been suprised or disapointed by their children.
|
gigi
member
Reged: 12/04/2008
Posts: 1848
Loc: North East
|
|
I can only speak via the experience of my GC's and say that yes they do value this dual input. 8 years after their parents split my two eldest GC's have a great relationship with their parents and step-siblings, and also grandparents on all sides. Mum and dad and new partner also have good relationships, mum trusts the care her children receive when away from her. this is all down to the initial hard work, emotionally and logistically, when they first split. Good luck
--------------------
|
expatK
member
Reged: 18/01/2008
Posts: 1030
Loc: Frankfurt,Germany
|
|
I think it depends how old the children are...
After all, they are not to blame for the broken relationship and have to suffer the consequences,too...and we all want our kids to have a reasonably care-free childhood, I think.
Please don't think I am in any way undervaluing or underestimating the work of a single parent -my sister is one, in very difficult circumstances, so I know how hard it is.
When the kids are old enough to be able to rationalise and appreciate- for themselves- then they certainly should value all that is done for them.
All the very best to you x
|
issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3009
Loc: Surrey
|
|
I know from two people close to me that a break-up damages you for life. There seems to be some kind of emotional 'freeze' which happens at that time and whatever happens in the future all is ok until a 'similar' situation arises ie someone close is leaving you by choice. I am no psychologist but I honestly think that the most important thing for a child who has gone through this is to be taught that awful things happen and handling them is part of growing up and being grown up. Lots of love and the rule of 'no negative thinking' has to be the way forward. Feel free to contradict.
|
anner06
member
Reged: 18/03/2008
Posts: 440
Loc: Northamptonshire
|
|
Hi Independent
I was wondering just the same this week. My ES was playing in a concert with a county orchestra at a local theatre. His dad didn't go to see him because he had work to do (it was on a Sunday!). I on the other hand, took him to the theatre (20 miles away) in time for rehearsal at midday, hung around for 2 hours before the concert started and then watched it for 3 hours of which he played for the first 20 minutes. Today I have spent the whole morning helping him run a stall at his school fete to watch him go off with his dad when he arrived at the end to pick him up. He will have taken him out to lunch and brought him something nice and I will hear about it the 3 hours he spent with his dad for the rest of the weekend. But I keep telling myself that when he has children of his own, he will remember all I did for him and be eternally grateful.
--------------------
|
independent
member
Reged: 14/10/2007
Posts: 167
|
|
thanks for you kind thoughts,anner06 I know the feeling running around just trying to keep everything ticking over, I agreen issi negative thinking doesn't help but it si difficult to control sometimes.
|
dizeeblonde
member
Reged: 19/01/2008
Posts: 2807
Loc: Manchester
|
|
independent I think issi is talking a lot of sense here. I showed my daughter your post and she was going to type a reply but had to go off to her part time job. So I will summarise what she said.
When she read your post her immediate response is of course they do in time as they grow up, and that when they are grown up and fully comprehend what you have done for them their feelings of value for their mum are so very strong.
Please feel free to pm me at any time ... as there is so much more I would like to say that I feel will help you
Dizee
x
--------------------
|
Vicky123
member
Reged: 22/02/2008
Posts: 2132
|
|
From a slightly different perspective I brought up my two step kids from ages 6 and 9. Their mother had them once a fortnight and treated them to anything they wanted. She was not the one up half the night when they were ill, running them here there and everywhere through their young teens, washing, ironing, drying tears etc etc (I could write a book - in fact I am writing a book!) Now 18 and 21 there have been many instances where they have said how much they appreciate what I did for them. They know that I was the one who made them who they are (and I am so very proud of them) but even to this day their mum still takes credit (amazing - she didnt give a toss about them!). - Anyway I think as the get older kids realise that being a mum isnt a walk in the park.
V
xx
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
