nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 273
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I have a sister, younger than me (but not much) we are complete opposites: I am thick  she has the high IQ no matter. We are both married. I have children (adults now) she did not. She has always been hateful and spiteful to my daughters which over the years I allowed but couldnt understand? played the waltons I suppose to keep the peace.
When our last parent died she telephoned me and said thats it Im out of your life I no longer have a sister.
Im heartbroken butin truth I didnt have one anyway
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Furball
member
Reged: 31/03/2008
Posts: 199
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nowcemsi, Oh that's so awful, you always hope don't you that people will come round.
The old 'you can choose your friends' comes to mind.
Now that bridges are burnt, why don't you write her a really long letter? get it all off your chest, ask the questions you've never asked? It may be worth a try.
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nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 273
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I told her on the phone over theyears but she bounces it back to me, apparently Im too involved with my girls (well I would be they both suffer from depression) I cared for our mother for seven years and she didnt come near! not that that makes me any better a daughter IYSWIM
We are complete opposites and now I have to face up to it
I am an only child!!
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Furball
member
Reged: 31/03/2008
Posts: 199
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Maybe some things are for the best then.
It sounds like it may not be worth trying to make the effort. Concentrate on those you love and on yourself.
Good luck
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annemari
member
Reged: 07/03/2008
Posts: 2561
Loc: Gloucestershire.
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Dear nowcemsi,
What a sad post and time for you to be going through. It doesn't matter that the contact is minimal between siblings,but to know that they are part of the family and that you care for each other is priceless. I think your sister is being quite heartless in her relationship to you.
Strangely enough this subject came up yesterday between a friend and myself. She was very candid that if she saw her 'twin brother'on the floor she wouldn't stop to pick him up,as he is so ignorant,on the other hand I don't have a great deal to with my eldest brother and SIL either,but, if anything happened to them I would be there like a shot.
Can you not write a short letter to your sister and say you would like to keep in touch if only to know she and your BIL are well. Maybe in time she will realise that families do matter!!
I feel deperately sorry for you,nowcemsi,as sadly I can identify with you.
Keep your chin up,as surround yourself with your loving family and us forummers
annemari x 
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Annemari xx
 "Hey Tinker,Mums a proud and bouncy TwiddleTigger"!! "Eric,Have you seen Mum's pinny?"
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debenjane
member
Reged: 11/01/2008
Posts: 592
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That is so sad. Other than offer my sympathy I can't help but you now have hundreds of 'sisters' on the forum.
Of course you are involved with your children, she doesn't understand why because she doesn't have any. You've tried your best and for some people that is never enough.
Big hug.
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BeauSoleil
member
Reged: 26/03/2008
Posts: 1891
Loc: France
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This sounds really sad. Can't give any advice but am sure you will get some from others that will be worth listening too.
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jessica
member
Reged: 01/02/2007
Posts: 578
Loc: North Wiltshire
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Dear nowcemsi
It may seem strange that I gave the reading at my nephews wedding on Friday but it wasn't always like that with my sister. We always have been poles apart it all aspects of our lives, but when my mother had a stroke she made life extreemly difficult for my dad and when she died my sister picked on him. He used to lie through his teeth to avoid her. When he died she phoned me to say that any money left (All £1000) would be eroded away in the solicitors fees. Finally I had a cheque for £100 not that that matters because I had the best of my dad, when he would spend weekends and holidays with us. She never spoke to me for 5 years and it was only when she got wind that I was moving 200 miles away that she phoned me one afternoon and spoke as if nothing had happened.
I've learned since, though people that know her, that she is seriously jealous of me and at family do's her children seem to avoid certain subjects, I'm not really interested why.
When her son asked me to do the reading I was delight and thanked God that it went so well, because I did it for my parents and to prove to them that I'm not the person she has lead them to believe that I'm suppose to be.
So I would think that the root of it all is jealousy. Did she not have children by choice?
My sister is forever shoving her grandchildren under my nose and how she is so busy with their birthday cakes (which is her forte)
So to sum up I would think after a couple of month maybe a year she may well get back in touch and if I were you just carry on as if nothing had happened.
Don't let it get to you
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PatsyW
member
Reged: 28/12/2007
Posts: 1621
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This is so sad nowcemsi. Sibling relationships are often complicated (I have 3 sisters and a brother and different relationships with each one) but this is beyond my experience. whatever arguments we've had (and there have been plenty) we were still part of a family. If it would make you feel any better I would write to her, just to clear your mind and maybe ease your heart. Then concentrate on your lovely (and loving) family.
Debandjane is right, you now how lots of sisters on the forum, who'll be here for you no matter what.
A big hug {} for you.
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nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 273
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One day on from writing this I feel better and must just accept the above factors. Losing my last parent has reduced me to a childlike emotional condition! it seems to me I am 10 years old again and that coupled with my illness (empesemia) I believe I am suffering from depression but am determined to curemyself.
A friend came up to me yesterday asking about HER as she has, in the past, hurt a lot of people who are now her ex friends. I find this so sad (for her) as life is so short
I nearly lost mine in March when rushed to A & E.......... and things became very clear to me indeed. A week after i came out of hospital my mother died, something I was not expecting so I had a double whammy.
Sibling rivalry is not me, I am not jealous or envious of her I wish it was that simple. For some reason she rejected my daughters, continually running them down through their childhood and adulthood....... and that hurts
as they are mine! and I can honestly say they are good human beings.
I intend to live my life as well as I can without any more IF ONLYS
I miss our mother and I guess not having a sister to lean on is making things worse than they would hve been/
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glamgran
member
Reged: 20/02/2008
Posts: 26
Loc: Nottinghamshire, England
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I can understand. I have a younger brother who does not speak or have any contact with me or my children we have no idea why! At a family funeral he just about acknowledged my husband and myself. His ex partner and his son are fine they cannot understand why he is like he is. So I have always felt like an only child!
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redhead2035
member
Reged: 08/01/2008
Posts: 30
Loc: Shropshire
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Sweetheart - have you ever thought that in truth SHE is jealous of YOU?? And what you have?? Don't contact her again, you are only offering her yet another chance to hurt you and the satisfaction of knowing that she can.
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blossom97
member
Reged: 02/02/2008
Posts: 2419
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It really worries me whe you say she runs your children down.I had a childless aunt like that and it really eroded my confidence.You must not let this happen.Tell your children how you feel about their aunt and that what she is saying is untrue.Even get them to feel sorry for her childlessness, which may explain her attitude to them.
Don't let them think you agree with her comments!
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magwii
member
Reged: 28/03/2008
Posts: 434
Loc: North Cyprus
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Nowcemsi, How sad for you. Life is too short and perhaps if you just write to her (so you don't get the backlash of speaking) and tell her how you feel, you can do no more. The rest is up to her. You will have done as much as you can to mend the rift between you. I think you will find that she is jealous of you and your children and the obvious close bond you have with them (and good for you!) I have faced this in the past with childless women and then discovered (from them) that they had been jealous, even ones who made a firm decision children had no place in their own lives.
Sisters are precious but it takes two to make it work, once you have done your bit, the ball is in her court and at least then you will know you have done everything within your power.
Good luck and hopefully time will improve her attitude towards you.
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sparkly3
member
Reged: 24/11/2007
Posts: 279
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I feel so sad for you. I agree with redhead - I think she is jealous of you and what you have, and probably sees your daughters as rivals for your affection. She sounds like a very inadequate person and all you can do is feel sorry for her and let her go. She adds nothing positive to your life, and in the end its more her loss as she has no children herself.
My younger sister has hurt me a lot over the years as she seems to have virtually no interest in my children, and like your sister resents the fact that my time and attention is taken up with the family and not focused on her. She used to visit us and behave appallingly - like a spoilt child. It is only now that I understand she was actually jealous of me. She made me feel like I was inferior and that she looked down at me for being conventional and boring - having chosen myself to get married and have children, whilst she lived a bohemian life, travelling and focusing on arty pursuits.
She married late and had a child, who I adore and would like to see more of. Unfortunately, I don't think she's happy, and perhaps is still jealous. Our relationship has broken down completely since I finally snapped and told her how her behaviour hurts me. I received a tirade of abuse which really upset me and has been the final nail in the coffin. I've tried really hard to overlook her behaviour and total lack of interest in my children, but enough is enough. Hopefully we can rebuild our relationship if we can be honest and talk through what has happened, but she is not ready to do that yet.
Sometimes you just have to let things go, painful though they are. I wonder if I did the right thing to stop the pretence and tell her how I really felt, but I don't think you can keep stuffing feelings down and smiling indefinitely, especially when you aren't being treated with respect or consideration. Your sister sounds very twisted, and needs to sort herself out. Until she does so, there is no hope for your relationship really.
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jenny1
member
Reged: 30/08/2006
Posts: 122
Loc: Belfast
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Nowcemsi
I don't speak to my brother- but thats another story. A gir
I work with has just told me that after both their parents died her sister and her became estranged. In the early part of this year her sister rang her out of the blue and initially they decided to keep in touch again. Hoewver when my friend was organising a surprise 80th for their aunt , her sister went 'off one one' and the upshot is that my friend - although technically on her own has decided that she is content with that.
She was married for 18 yrs before conceiving - wouln't you think her sister would want to be part of that. Sometimes it is better to let go as you are a good person and deserve the good. Life is too short. If she wants to be like that it is her choice.
Thinking about you
Jenny
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nowcemsi
member
Reged: 24/06/2008
Posts: 273
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Well, I love her but cant like or respect her and that doesnt sit well with me, it wouldnt as our parents raised us saying we had two children so you wouldnt be alone in old age after we are gone. Hello????????
Bereavement in itself is hard to deal with, but Im still here I would be a complete witch if I recovered that quickly
Life goe on, and mine is going on without her and the support of my daughters 
Oh and I forgot to say how friendly this forum is I didnt really expect any replies.......... heartfelt thanks for thatxx
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aggipanthus
member
Reged: 05/04/2006
Posts: 179
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Have only just read this... how sad, and what a waste. I always wanted an older sister or brother, can't imagine what it must be like to have one, but have them not wanting me back. It's obviously hard for you, this is a difficult time, but I think if someone is being that callous, they are not worth your tears. By all means write to her, telling her just how you feel, but accept that she is an adult, has the right to make this choice, and just wish her well for the future. And then move on and realise it's her problem, you are not to blame.
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Sonata
member
Reged: 21/12/2006
Posts: 364
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It definitely sounds as if she is jealous and blames your children for taking you away from her. Don't forget the wise adage "Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission". So don't give her permission. I always find that feeling sorry for the person lessens their power and influence over you.
Write to her saying that you are sorry she feels like that and that the door is always open. That leaves you on the higher ground and being seen to do the right thing.
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dbverycherry
member
Reged: 24/02/2007
Posts: 3782
Loc: Kent UK
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So sorry to hear of your sister's attitude towards you nowcemsi, her actions sound so heartless.
There is always atleast one black sheep in a family.
My brother is ours. Far to complicated and personal a story to put on here. I don't have much contact with him but I am there for him if he needs me and as is my older sister.
Best wishes to you and chin up. As others have said enjoy your family and friends and let your sister dwell on what she has said and done. I hope she see's sense but if not at least you have your loving family about you and aren't lonely.
Sincerely from me Debbie dbverycherry in Kent []Hugs[]from me
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