SassyGranni
member
Reged: 12/01/2008
Posts: 1116
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Hi everyone, i have just been arranging to meet my youngest daughter and 2 of my granddaughters at Sainsburys, do a bit of shopping, have a coffee. I always feel so blessed and lucky that we are a close family who enjoy spending time time together, we all get on really well and i have two lovely sons-in-law.One major thing we are going through at the moment is one of my SIL is having major hear surgery again next Wednesday , all the family are rallying round to help out as the op's in Birminham except his own mother.She hasnt offered ANY help at all with looking after the children,i personally cant understand this attitude, i know she will want to at the hospital for the first few days but after that i need help looking after the grandchildren, shes been asked but " she doesnt know what shes doing yet "Im happy to have them to help ease the worry for my daughter and sil but can any of you understand her attitude cause i really cant.She never volunteers to babysit,never plays with the children when she visits them, she doesnt work,i have taken leave from my fulltime job to help, can you tell this has annoyed me !!!! sorry for the rant girls.  
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PLASMO
member
Reged: 13/03/2008
Posts: 4786
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Hi Holly,
I get so angry when I hear of grandparents that do not want to take part in their granchildren's lives I cant understand them at all.
I am not a grandmother, but have always wanted to be, I dont mention it to often to my son as it wouldnt be fair, he has a girlfriend, but I dont really think he will ever have children in his life.
The least this lady could do would be to rally round and try to contribute something to make life easier for the family while your SIL is in hospital having serious surgery. I certainly dont blame you for ranting holly.
Plasmo x
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josefa
member
Reged: 06/07/2008
Posts: 2
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How do people cope with elderly parents, particularly if they live in another country, I am in that situation very difficult
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susieblue
member
Reged: 16/03/2008
Posts: 943
Loc: Devon
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Funnily enough, just this week I let my FIL know what I think about their attitude to our family and Christmas. My outlaws haven't had Christmas with their 2 GS for 22 years. They only have the 2. They don't realise how hurtful it is. It is pure selfishness and self-centredness. They don't even think what we might want/not want. Don't get me wrong, every Christmas with them would be horrendous but once in 22 years is not asking too much. It's never a case of "we thought we might go away this year for Xmas" but "we are going to ***** and have booked." Yet they expect us to jump if asked!! They now have a great GS. He's 4 months old and they haven't seen him yet, only in photos because MIL doesn't like DIL. Take it from me, DIL is great.
As to coping with elderly parents when they live far away is extremely difficult, whether in another country or far away from you in this one. It's not so bad when there are the 2 of them and they both have their marbles. However my mother is on her own, is beginning to get dementia (though God help me if I ever used the D word) and is getting very difficult. Whatever you try to do, you can't win.
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joy18
member
Reged: 02/09/2006
Posts: 4
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I have reached the stage in my relationship with my Mum who ius 82 years old, fairly fit and has been a widow for 22 years, and my sister who is 54 years she lost a partner 10 years ago has has never moved on, thjey both live in separate houses. My problem is for years I have always thought about them, there welfare, always kept intouch by seeing and phoning them when I could. I have a family and my children who are both adults visit them on a regular basis. I organise my mums finances pay any bills, buy all major appliances that she needs, organize lifts when she needs them and every Christmas they both come to me, and now I have reached a stage that I just can not do it anymore, the reason if I do not get in touch with them they do not get intouch with me.....
I did not contact them for 2 weeks, nothing no phone calls.
When my guilt got to me I phoned, nothing not how are you, what have you been doing, hows is my husband.
I just think have I been satisfing my need to be needed all these years or as "susieblue" said you can not win no matter what you do
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Foxie
member
Reged: 09/08/2007
Posts: 4425
Loc: South London
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Hi Joy
I'm around the same age as you and I have reached that stage with some of my family and friends.
Shall we both go and buy purple hats together?
Foxie
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In your journey through life, take what works for you and let the rest go. Susan Jeffers
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OzzieKez
member
Reged: 21/06/2008
Posts: 2630
Loc: Queensland, Australia
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It beggars belief when you think of all the lonely people in the world. Let's make a pact not to do that to our kids!
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issi
member
Reged: 30/09/2007
Posts: 3277
Loc: Surrey
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When it comes to families I believe there has to be a linchpin. Usually this is the mother, but failing that, it falls on anyone who cares to take it on. Everyone else in the family will gravitate to that person and possibly expect them to organise family matters. The rest of the family then choose whether they join in or not. When it comes to in-laws, their selfishnesh is all the more apparent because they can only be part of the family by joining in. If you value family life then keep it together. Those who don't join in sometimes will when they wake up to the alternative.
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Nisgal
member
Reged: 10/06/2008
Posts: 16
Loc: Worcestershire
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Sadly not all grandparents are as child friendly as yourself. My spinster aunt was by far more maternal than my mother ever was. Your daughter sounds like a caring person so will have friends with children of a similar age who can also help out.....just as she would help them. Thats what caring mums do particularly at this time of stress for ALL members of the family. The children will enjoy being with their friends. As a single mum I was in hospital with a broken ankle....my mother didnt move an inch and my dear aunt was ill...daughter was "adopted" by friends who brought her 40 miles to the hospital to see me and looked after her beautifully. Hoping that someone will suddenly change their character to accommodate others is only going to lead to resentment. If she volunteers, treat it as a bonus, but dont include her in the equation on a permanant basis.
Will be thinking of you.
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