We’ve all been there; slipping into slinky party wear only to be faced with that fleshy bra bulge or dodgy toenail that’s been happily shrouded since August. Believe it or not, this is a good thing. Deepest, darkest winter is the perfect time to begin long-game body treatments that will pay dividends by spring. And in the meantime? Fake it with these smart DIY buys:
For Wobbly bits
Fix it: Any spots where fat stubbornly collects that seems impervious to exercise can be tackled with SculpSure. Using targeted laser energy this nukes fat cells, ignores other ones and results in about 25% local fat loss. It takes 25 minutes and feels anywhere from mildly prickly to painful depending on your threshold for pain. I felt achy, fine the next day, then three months on, my wobbly upper arms looked sleeker in a strappy dress. From £1,000 at the Cadogan Clinic
Fake it: A tight dress and a bloated tum calls for good old Westlab Epsom Salt, £3.87, at Amazon.co.uk; the magnesium helps draw out water weight. Elsewhere, nothing slims like a tan. Out in January, St Tropez Gradual Tan Plus Sculpt and Glow Firming Lotion bronzes and blurs. or go pro – Fake Bake At Home Service brings a spray tanner to you in a pop-up tent with no awkward journey home. From £25 nationwide, find your nearest mobile therapist here
Fix it: It starts with legs then, before you know it, there’s hair sprouting from your chin, back and more. It’s a battle, but laser can win the war. Now is the ideal time to begin a course: six sessions at six-week intervals with no UV exposure for the duration. It stings, tolerably, and only takes around 15 minutes per area. Harley Medical Group have clinics nationwide and will only let medically trained staff treat you (important!). From £58 for a single treatment.
Fix it: Switching from boots to strappy heels exposes all. Luckily dermatology Grade Pedicures go where no treatment dared before. Medical pedis are the norm in Germany, where Eudelo’s Kristin Heider Persson hails from. Her bespoke sessions can involve callus removal, cryotherapy and peels. It’s not pampering, but not painful either and the one-per-month course will leave tootsies unrecognisably lovely by spring. £165 or £399 for three sessions at Eudelo.